My personal hero, George Gurley, displays some characteristic brilliance in this week's Observer. Look at "10 Things I’ll Say Before Terrorists Cut My Throat". (Second item). Some highlights:
2) My cat Scoopee, she likes a full bowl of Cat Chow 24-7; Dover Sole; Salmon Caviar; a puddle of fresh cold water in the tub three times a day; a session with the wire brush daily; and getting petted and talked to all the time. Don’t pick her up too much, she doesn’t like that.
7) All things considered, I’d rather be here than having to see that hideous MCI “What a Wonderful World” commercial again. Here’s the playlist for my memorial service at Siberia: George Jones’ Cup of Loneliness; Loretta Lynn’s “Honky Tonk Girl”; the fourth song off Komeda’s The Genius of Komeda; Velvet Underground; the Jam; that Depeche Mode song I like; Barry Manilow’s “Weekend in New England”; Beatles’ “Tomorrow Never Knows,” “Savoy Truffle” and “Get Back”; Neil Young’s “Keep On Rocking in the Free World”; Minutemen’s Double Nickels on the Dime; stuff from The Who Sell Out and the Kinks’ Animal Farm.
8) I’ll go along with Tony Soprano listening to that great but obscure Faces song in the last episode because he’s got mommy issues, but no Faces song has ever been played in a New Jersey strip bar, ever. So let’s please try to keep it real during those “Sorry, folks, no violence tonight, we’re keeping it real” episodes where nothing happens. Also, we don’t care if you TV writers know who Leon Wieseltier is. We know you know the $10 words. How about a spin-off starring Meadow?
9) Please, no, I don’t wanna die, nooooo! Fuck Bush. He’s a retard! Fuck America. We had it coming! The Nation and the Michael’s crowd were right! God is great! Yay, Allah! Vote Kerry!
Please read the whole thing. And yes, my heroes don't appear on stamps, or in publications that pay you in money.